Blue-collar Ballerina

Two weeks ago I fell down the stairs. Sadly, the fall was all pain and no style. It was nothing serious, but it kept me from dancing for two weeks.

Two weeks.

That's when I start hating myself. Two weeks is a frustrating number when you don't feel bad but know you need to take a break. But in the midst of all that mental stagnation, I started thinking.

Ballet isn't beautiful up close. It's painful. A dancer often looks worse before she looks better. And its  stinky--really really stinky. My brother can attest to that.

Ballet isn't always fun. Fulfilling, yes. But it's hard to have fun in the midst of aggravating those blisters over and over again. It's hard to feel happy when you are so ludicrously sore that moving hurts. Everywhere. Even in places you didn't know muscles existed.

I think to myself--there has to be a purpose to all this. There has to be a reason I keep returning. Well, even if I don't fully understand it yet, there is a reason. For now, dance is my calling. My goal is to follow God and bring Him glory through it. But I'm still learning how to put in "Him" instead of "I."

Dance isn't as much for fun as it used to be. It's for work. Glorious work that doesn't reflect on me, praise God. The thing is, with God, joy and work fit together like those heart necklaces that say "Best Friends" on them.

Two weeks ago I fell down the stairs. Praise God.

Greater

      In a world of prejudice and spite

In a world of pain and horror

In this place of beauty vs. ugly

Kindness vs. cruelty

man against man

woman against woman

Child against child

Where is the place of rest?

Is it found in the trees, the beautiful trees?

Or maybe in the rushing streams along the forest floor?

Could it be--are peace and rest found--

In laughter of other people,

In the presence of other souls,

In the touch of a loved one?

Turn to the child who says

“Mother I love you”

Turn to the dog who barks in happiness

Turn to the joys of something greater,

Of a presence we can’t ignore.

If the trumpeted cry of the mountains,

The pleading voice of the eagle,

The pounding feet of the deer in autumn

Were not passed by,

Perhaps we’d find the Greater Rest,

The presence we can’t ignore.

Follow-up To A Moment of Love

I wanted to add to yesterday's post, something crucial that cannot afford to be overlooked: It is not always us being "beset" by evil--sometimes we are to blame. Sometimes we act in ways that have no justification. This is crucial to understand--you cannot fix a problem until you admit you have one. Over and over in the bible, God makes it clear that humans sin of their own accord.
Perhaps something that is even more important to understand is this. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not of your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast."

"it is the gift of God, not a result of works." Boy, is this one a ego-crusher and bubble-burster. I know many people who would reject this completely. It has a tendency to deflate any pride I might have, which I count as a good thing. But it has taken me a long, long time to understand and fully come to embrace this. It increases my awe of God, for it says this: I loved you so much that I am giving you this gift of salvation even though you deserve punishment. God's love awes me. "And this is not of your own doing, it is the gift of God." A moment of Love.

A moment of love

Today is being...interesting. I woke up with all these good intentions, and now I find myself, after snapping at my mother and mentally tearing myself down as a result, writing this post when I should be doing something constructive. For that reason, I'll keep this one short.
     Mainly, all I find myself thinking, "What is wrong with me??" Why can't I act in a way that would build people up and not bring them down? Why can't I remember God? Well, I know the answer. I just don't particularly care for it. For some reason, I do not feel like praying. Algebra, emails to colleges, and thank-you cards are not the highlights of my day. In fact, I seem to be finding every excuse possible to not accomplish what I need to. What is wrong with me?
      1st Thessalonians 5:16-22 says, "Rejoice always; Pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ. Do not quench the spirit; do not despise prophetic utterances. But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every form of evil."
      As I'm writing this, I think I realize that we, everybody, need to hold fast to everything that is good--cling to it with every fiber of our strength, because if we do not we are beset with evil. Whether it be anger, a bad attitude in my case, discouragement, or hate, many things. God, help me now to cling to all that is good, to cling to You. Please forgive me, God, for my pessimism, my anger, my hate. Forgive me.
      I forgive you. My love, little one.